Die For Me
by fersuremaybefersurenot98
Summary: The light of Benny's life was taken from him three years ago- a lot can happen in that time. People change. What would you do with the power to take revenge, or the time to see it through? What would you become? A darkly themed one-shot about how easily pain and loss can twist people. Bethan.


**AN:** Hey, people. Listen, sorry if you thought that this was another story, but this is actually a one-shot, and I don't even know if it's good enough to make a sequel out of, but I might try.

And dammit, I know I'm supposed to be working on my other stories, but you can't stunt creativity! Except those instances when I get nasty cases of writers block. In any case, this was fun to write, and not especially sad on my part, which is odd, because I feel like its supposed to be a really sad, dark story. Anyway, no smut or even making-out in this one, so I'll change the rating to T, but I think it was a good idea anyway.

Sorry again about all the errors and title (WTF, just Die?) and making you think this was a story. However, I did bust ass to get this story up, so feedback would be appreciated. Give me ideas for the continuation. Enjoy.

**X**

Benny's dreams were always the same.

Always the same relay of memory...the same gut-wrenching feeling of confusion and dread. The same sound and flashes of his own terrified screams as the life was literally drained from his boyfriend, who was already too weak to fight back. The same bloody grin that his vampire maker flashed him before dropping E's body to the snowy ground, where he lie, angelic even in death with skin paler than it should be and glinting snowflakes clinging to his dark brunet curls. It was all mostly a painful blur after that, when Benny ran to cradle E's body, trying in vain to bring him back before giving up. Benny saw again the flames that consumed Ethan's body, saw again Jesse's lithe frame as he ran from him. Saw himself with murder on his mind, not evil back then but hell bent on avenging his almost-husband with any means necessary.

Over and over again throughout the years, he saw himself in his dreams using the magic he'd never had will or reason to use before. Watched as Jesse's face contorted in pleasing agony as Benny's magic turned from a sparkly green-blue to a sinister looking blackish red. The newly formed tendrils clawed and struck out towards the one person he hated the most, wrenching piercing screams from his throat. This was about the time Benny thought he'd truly snapped, and gone from a young, rebellious sorcerer to one who was dark and evil. The time when he'd gone from flinching away at such evil acts to taking part; to reveling in them.

And then he woke up.

In cold sweat, like always, and panting. As though just for a minute he was the same friendly, slightly awkward, likable teen who was maybe too intelligent and mischievous for his own good. As though he weren't the cold, seductive, uncaring man who had bypassed mischief and turned malevolent.

That was when he truly woke up.

It was one of these mornings that Benny sat up and stretched, sighing, though in a slightly better mood today. His flashbacks had been coming more frequently now, which he attributed to the upcoming event that would once again change his life-for the better, this time. Tomorrow was the night of the comet. As he looked at his grandma's picture beside his bed on the nightstand, he supposed the dreams weren't such a high price to pay for everything he'd done and everything he was going to receive. No, it wasn't such a bad consequence for what he'd allowed himself to become.

Still, he wished he would dream less about Ethan's death and more of the happy times they'd spent together. Their high school days, maybe...back when Benny had actually had friends and a family. But those days were gone, and replaced with a hell that began that one horrible night three years ago. Now, he was doubtful as to whether those same people knew Ethan was dead. He hadn't spoken to them since he'd swept through his home like a tornado, packing light and then leaving in a stolen car with a horrible feeling in his gut and a half-assed excuse to his grandmother. He hadn't gone or looked back, not even when Sarah called ten times and Rory had followed him half way through the province. Not even when he'd yelled angrily at Rory through the window with tears in his eyes and more or less shot him out of the sky with that same twisted magic he'd so recently acquired. He hadn't had the heart to talk to them then, or since...it would have been too painful.

"Today's the day." Benny said to his shirtless, inked-over self in the mirror. Instead of feeling excited as he should have, he felt what he supposed was akin to weariness. Fear. Dread. What if that worm Jesse had given him false instructions? What if he was too early or too late in performing the ritual? What if it didn't work? Or worse...Benny had become such a monster over the years. So different than who he was three years ago.

What if Ethan didn't...couldn't love him anymore?

The thought was too much to bear, and Benny rid himself of the rest of his clothing before he stepped into the hot streams of the shower to wash away the unease. He promptly ignored all the scars and dark tattoos he'd acquired over the years, and for a second tried to imagine himself as someone E could love...wishing he could take back all the years of darkness. Wishing he could somehow fade the scars and ink under his skin instead of feeling them burn on sight with the bad memories they brought forth. He supposed he could fade them magically, if he'd wanted to...but he knew they would really always be there. He couldn't run from his past anymore than he could run from himself. It just wasn't something that was possible.

Then, he pushed all those thoughts away...they would only hinder him further...and, like everyday, tried to embrace himself for what he was-hellish or not.

**X**

"You sure you know what you're doing, Benny?" The girl asked as she clung to him, glancing at the sign with big brown eyes that looked entirely too innocent for the job she occupied.

"Of course. Just trust me." Benny flashed her a charming smile as he held the door to the voodoo shop open wide. "Ladies first."

He held her small, soft hand as she walked into the shop and gazed around in weary wonder. The place smelled musty, and pungent with spices and plants of all kinds. There were dried and alive plants alike everywhere, overflowing from baskets or growing in pots all over the room. Vases with feathers, miniature pots with sands and dusts filled tables, as did little dusty vials and skins. Drawstring sacks and glass jars of all colors and sizes, both empty and full lined the wall behind the counter. Sitting directly behind it was a woman wrapped in a large shawl who was rather exotic looking, with both creamy mocha skin and alluring blue eyes. She looked up from an old, heavy-looking book bound in leather and gave them a half-smile.

"Welcome to Roswell's House of Voodoo. Everything is twenty-five percent off, as tomorrow morning the Ederian Comet passes over." The lines sounded rehearsed, and slightly tired, and Benny wondered exactly how many people had stopped by already. It was already seven o' clock.

"So I've heard." Benny replied with a smile of his own as the girl on his arm led him across the isle to a line of jars filled with what looked suspiciously like old blood.

"Horned Owl blood." She read in a quiet voice that was both fascinated and disbelieving, and looked further down where there were little vials with variously colored liquid. "Blue Lantern Arachnid venom? Do you think these are real?"

"I most certainly hope so." Benny answered, ignoring her incredulous look as he raked his eyes down the dusty wooden rack, down to where he would find what he was looking for.

"Dead man's blood?" She asked him, sounding thoroughly appalled. "Benny that's gross."

"We all have to deal with gross things at one point or another." Benny shrugged, and led her across the isles to the many drawstring bags. He searched until he found the grainy dust he was looking for, and held the yellow stuff up to his nose to inhale it's rank scent. Sulfur.

"Gotta have balance." He commented, and picked up another bag and checked its contents.

"Faerie dust?" The girl asked- what was her name? - and gave a little laugh. "You can't be serious."

"Me thinks you should concern yourself a little less with my foolish affairs and a little more with your own." Benny smiled and bent down to give her nose a kiss. "Let me waste my money as I please."

"Let's just go. It's getting dark, and I want to take a shower." She pouted. "It's so hot out. I feel all sticky."

"Alright, alright. Just let me grab something else, and then we're outta here. You can go wait in the car, if you want." Benny pulled her close and set down his things on a nearby table. He gave her a kiss on her forehead and made his way down to just beside her red lips. He let a hand wander down her side and to the hard outline of the wicked pocketknife in her jean pocket. "I know you can handle yourself, city girl." He whispered in her ear and smiled once again as she visible shivered.

"I'll be waiting for you." She whispered back and have him a smile that was half sweet and half coy before leaving the shop.

"I hope you know what you're doing, sweet face." The woman behind the counter commented as she rung up his items and carefully sealed the few other jars he'd selected.

"I know what I'm doing." Benny assured her with a wry smile. "I've been in the practice for a while...I'm a natural."

"You have no shortage of confidence." She noted and finished wrapping his jars. She began lying them gently in the bottom of a paper bag.

"You could say it's in my blood." Benny have her a feral smile then, which she only responded to with a smirk. On her fingers he glanced several rings that looked like genuine gold and silver, and on her desk lie books that looked like honest-to-god black magic grimoires.

"Is it also in yours?" He asked before he could help himself, and looked back up only to see that she was watching him closely, with eyes that were suddenly a startling pitch black.

"Maybe." She smiled and slowly walked around the counter, dropping the patterned shawl she wore around her shoulders. Underneath was dark green dress that clung to her figure and left little to the imagination. Creamy skin was everywhere, and he would be lying if he said he didn't look; he unabashedly appreciated his view, as her sizable cleavage was practically falling out of the dress front.

"You know, I live just upstairs." She said, and though her voice didn't change in tone, Benny found it stirred and prodded his libido like not many things managed over the last few years. Maybe she was part siren? "I had a date later, but...it's been too long since I've found a man who could handle me. Maybe I can show you exactly what's in my blood." She grinned then, and grabbed one of his hands in both of hers as her eyes returned to their former blue. "Vampire."

He supposed he shouldn't be surprised she knew what he was, and he wasn't. And some parts of him, the darker, more animalistic parts of him wanted to take her up on that offer, especially as his fangs began descending on their own accord. But no, he couldn't. Tonight was too important.

"No." He answered, attempting to retract the sharp canines and pulling away as he gathered up his paper bags. He promptly ignored the disappointment in her eyes and the heat in his most sensual areas. For him too, it had been too long. The hunger had become a constant presence, growing with each day that he didn't drink or vent his jitters on some poor human.

"Too much is going on to tonight. Maybe another time." He went on. Not likely, but whatever.

"I thought as much." She shrugged and with a sigh walked across the isle, her curvy hips swaying, and Benny's eyes, glazed with two different kinds of suppressed hunger followed her until she came back with a plastic case of little black candles.

"Be safe, at the very least." She looked up at him with big blue eyes, and a sly smile. "And use these, I'm sure you know what for. It's such a shame about that girl, though. She looked so sweet."

"She will be." Was Benny's only affirmation before he turned and walked out of the shop.

**X**

It's not that Benny didn't enjoy the hunt-he loved it, in fact. It thrilled him to be running either through the woods or streets under the stars, in pursuit of some unfortunate soul who had taken his interest. It gave him great pleasure knowing that their veins were pumping with wicked heat and adrenaline from their terror, and even greater pleasure to finally close in and attack. The taste of their lifeblood, flooded with terrified and sometimes turned-on thoughts gave his body a rush like nothing else-especially when his victim was a fellow vampire. Normally, vampire blood was poisonous to other vampires, but being as Benny retained his spellmaster genes and capabilities after his transformation, it had no negative effect on him. If anything, it might've made him stronger, hungrier-made him lust even more for vampire blood than human, and that thought was vaguely sadistic, but he loved it too much to care.

But it really fucking annoyed him when said victim looked like his past.

Take this last bastard, for example. Benny had gone through all the trouble of scaring him in the darkened streets, chasing him through the lonely alleys and then cornering him behind an old auto-tech building-just to discover that the man was young, perky-looking and so painfully familiar.

It all would've been fine if Benny hadn't looked first, and he guessed that it was his own fault for getting so into it, but fuck it all. The man had dishwater hair, and an open face, with even more expressive baby blue eyes that were so bright even when filled with terror. Granted, they hadn't exactly been twins, but he'd even SOUNDED like Rory.

That was exactly what he'd needed. To almost kill another doppleganger of his past. Over the years, he'd run into various people resembling his old friends-Sarah, Jane and Ross Morgan, now Rory, and once he'd even thought he seen his grandma in the crowded streets of Winnipeg. Each experience was a reminder of the people he left behind, and each time left him feeling colder and more empty than before. Strange, how someone can become so barren that when there's nothing left for emptiness to take, it just sort of expands.

Often times, he thought of these experiences as punishment-something akin to the Fates rubbing salt in his wounds, to make absolutely positive that he knew just how badly he'd screwed up. And more often than that, Benny believed he deserved it. He deserved all the punishment he would surely get, and one day when he finally let his humanity loose, he knew he would welcome hell and it's fires with open arms.

But not today. So instead, he let go of the terrified kid and let him run off, watching him with faintly glowing, vivid yellow eyes as he sprinted away. Watching until he rounded a corner and was out of sight completely, and felt a small sense of relief. Briefly, he pondered whether he should see the kid safely home-this was a dangerous city after all, and he didn't spare the geek for nothing- but in the end he decided against it. Instead, he let out a great sigh, smiling minutely as it started to sprinkle and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, lighting one up with hardly a thought to conjure the flame on the tip of his finger. Poison sticks, so what? He was dead anyway, and with this in mind he took several long pulls, enjoying the sweet burn of the smoke, feeling each of the thousands of chemicals burning away as they came in contact with the magic in his blood. It was a rather odd sensation when he concentrated, but distracting and one that he indulged himself in nonetheless.

His next victim was simpler-a temperamental redhead that didn't remind him even vaguely of anyone he knew previously. Benny suspected the non-resemblance had everything to do with the high number of facial piercings, the rank of cheap cologne and all the faux leather, but under that he knew that he was just past the point of caring. He doubt he would've been able to stop himself now, even if he'd wanted to...numbness had crawled back to the forefront of his mind. So, he made it quick, not up for another drawn-out chase, and the kill was simple enough. The guy hadn't even screamed much, which he appreciated, but maybe that was because he'd bitten too hard. In the end, it really didn't matter.

The streets were wet from the rain earlier, and glowing with the reflection of street lights. Altogether a pretty sight, which would be made prettier by the comet that would soon come to pass. Only a few people littered the square, but as it turned out, Benny had little trouble picking out a few candidates for later, when he'd probably be hungry. The air was cool and smelled surprisingly clean tonight; more like the earth and rain rather than its usual smoggy-metallic odor. He'd have to open the windows.

**X**

"Here's to me." Benny raised his tumbler to the sky, the pyramid-shaped ice floating lazily in the scotch and clinking against the glass. "Tonight, I get back my soul mate." He sighed and stared into the tinted liquid, at the ice that wouldn't melt until he told it to. "Forgive me."

He didn't know wether he was asking the universe or Ethan to forgive him. And for what? For his many murders, for running away too young and corrupting himself or for raising his fiancee's peaceful soul from the dead? Maybe all three. And who knows, maybe the spell wouldn't even work. Maybe it was all for not...not that it mattered all that much anyway. He was going to hell either way.

Benny wondered if Della was finished yet, as if she'd done it right. She must have, otherwise she'd pay for it.

No, it wasn't the same Della that he knew in Whitechapel, but she definitely looked similar. Not that there was a shortage of girls with blue eyes and blonde hair. She was supposed to...take care of the subject he'd selected. Then she was going to take a shower, or so she'd said, and Benny had to get away. He wasn't sure how many attempted seductions he could take right then. He was hungry, and Della WAS a beautiful girl...but again, that was his inner animal with almost no inhibitions trying to take over. He preferred males.

He began the trek up to his apartment on the seventh floor, and used a little of his inhuman speed to get him up the many flights of stairs and at the door within a matter of seconds, without wasting his breath. Jingling his keys, he opened the door to the sound of a blow drier in the other room and the scent of girly soap and lotion. He wrinkled his nose lightly and shut the door when the dryer turned off and Della walked into the room. Promptly ignoring how appealing she looked in nothing but jean short-shorts and an unbuttoned black shirt that she'd rolled up from the hem and tied just under her breasts, he walked into his living room where he found the boy lying on the ground. He was just a little paler than he should be, his lips tinted lightly blue. But his wrists had bled and smears and drops of crimson were scattered here and there on the wooden floor and on his arms.

"Jeez, Della, I told you to be careful." Benny scowled and bent down to begin taking the cuffs off the boy.

"I was, but he struggled." She sighed, and helped him unlock the cuffs around his ankles. He was dressed in what he'd come in-simple black shirt and dark jeans with faux leather boots and jacket. "Besides, I did pretty good, all things considered. My only options were maiming, strangulation, poisoning, or bleeding out, all of which would've been equally ugly. At least it's just the wrists."

"I guess." Benny sighed as well, kneeling down beside the recently killed man. "It'll have to do...you did well, Della."

'And so have I.' Benny thought, gazing through wondering hazel eyes at the man-just a boy really, in front of him. Yes, he'd chosen well. It'd taken him the better part of three years to find him, being as he'd just found him just a few weeks ago at a seedy bar in Brooklyn, New York when he'd gone to the states for some fun. That had been quite a story...and quite a night, as well.

Benny's never believed in dopplegangers before, if you didn't count the evil clones he'd accidentally created with his Grandma's old camera that had wreaked havoc in Whitechapel...but that was a story for another time. Besides, it was some odd years ago, back when he was an inexperienced goody-goody nerd in high school. But if he was being honest with himself, he almost absolutely believed in dopplegangers now. The boy looked almost exactly as Ethan had three years ago, except a lot darker in personality and style.

Briefly, he wondered if he himself had a doppleganger, and if so, would he be evil or good? He didn't know...he'd been born a nice, intelligent boy, and he'd like to think that his clone would be evil. But he just didn't know.

The boy, whose name had been James, was tall and lean, with brunet curls just a little lighter than Ethan's had been, naturally pale skin, and straight, white teeth.

Of course, he wouldn't be complete without the eyes...those eyes, almost the exact same color as E's had been were what really drew him in. He even sounded like Ethan, with a deeper tone, but he guessed that's how Ethan would have sounded if he'd been alive and allowed to mature a little more. At Benny's first glance, it had taken all his will power to not grab the kid and...what? Hold him? At that moment, he hadn't been sure as to exactly what would've happened if he hadn't spent every ounce of his self-control. He was sure, however that he would've either broken down and cried or launched himself into the unsuspecting boy's arms. Either one would've been equally as bad. Instead, he'd initially ran from the bar and spent the rest of his night in shock at his rented hotel room.

"Such a shame, though." Della interrupted Benny's reminiscing, repeating what the woman at the voodoo shop had told him earlier. "He looked so sweet. He was hitting on me, you know, after you left."

"Is that how you got him to let you chain him up so easily?" Benny asked, with no real interest, standing and heading to the bags he'd left on the kitchen table earlier. He set them on the coffee table in the living room and pulled most of the contents out before pushing all the furniture away from the center of the room.

"Yes. I was at work while you were gone." She replied. "Was killing him really necessary? We could've used him."

"He will be useful." Benny replied distractedly. "Help me roll this up." He began lifted the coffee table and moved it further away from the center of the room while she rolled up the fluffy rug. He helped her, and leaned it up against the wall on the car side of the room before opening some windows.

"Could you get me my mortar and pistol from my room?" Benny asked, opening the bag of sulfur and running it through his fingers.

"A gun?"

"No, it's a bowl on top of my dresser with a thick rod." Benny dismissed her with an inner eye roll and a sickly sweet smile. "It's white."

He turned back to his sulfur, and noted it's semi-rocky state. He'd need it grainy and powdery before it could be used...and the faerie dust looked and felt genuine, and was a silvery blue. It would do fine to balance out the dark energy the sulfur was sure to attract. He'd also have smoke the apartment with lavender and white sage to ward off any spirits that might want to seize control when he was conducting the ritual. And then there was those bloody wrists to be fussed over...he needed everything perfect. There would be just enough time to get everything set, which he guessed was typical for him.

"Here you go, Benny." Della came back with the mortar and pistol, setting them down with finely manicured nails onto the dark tabletop. "You know, I still don't see why I had to come over tonight. I could've been at the theatre with my boyfriend."

"Oh, but you're the most important part of tonight." Benny was quick to reassure her, bending to kiss her nose. "I couldn't do this without you."

"And then there's that." Della sighed and then smiled as she sat next to him. "I still don't get you. You're both sweet and rough, and dark and I like that. But you never touch me." She pouted lightly. "You don't seem to be some kind of saint, and I'm definitely not. I ditch my boyfriend to come see you."

"Thanks for that, sweetheart...and believe me, I'm no saint." Benny smiled back, and touched his fingers lightly to her soft cheek, sighing. He wished she wasn't so sweet. Even with her ability to kill, her low conscience and harlot nature, three things he wouldn't have considered remotely good a few years ago, she sometimes seemed too nice...too human, to be taken advantage of like this. Maybe she reminded him too much of the Della he once knew, or even Erika. Maybe it was the fact that she'd taken him to meet her mother a few weeks back, like he'd actually meant something to her...Benny felt a deep guilt and sadness rising in his chest, like the unwelcome bloom of a flower, too pretty and innocent to be in his dead heart. For a few seconds before he put his walls back up, he allowed himself to enjoy the human emotions, even if they were negative ones.

Then he pulled back, before he could do something stupid, like apologize.

"Hand me that sage and lavender stick on the wall over there, please." Benny nodded towards where it lie in a ceramic half-basket on the wall, and she quickly got up to retrieve it. When he lit it and set it to burn in small orange embers at the tip, sweet white smoke floated up in swirls. He told her to move around the house in a clockwise fashion, starting from the easternmost room and to wave the stick gently to spread the smoke while she moved around the house, and she obliged, however giving him a strange look before setting off.

While she smoked the place, he began grinding the yellowish sulfur into finer dust, humming lightly as he worked. He dumped the dust into a clean square glass tray from his coffee table that he normally used to keep his keys, rings, lighters, or cigarette ashes. When Della came back, he thanked her and let the wand of dried plants sit as the embers gradually died down.

"I appreciate your help." Benny said, shaking more powder into the glass tray. There was a good sized pile now.

"I'm still not quite used to all this voodoo stuff." Della said, plopping down on his couch love seat and flipping through a magazine she'd brought over a few visits ago. "And I'm not too sure about how much I believe it either, but whatever floats your boat."

Benny made no response, but instead got up to take the broom from the supply closet and sweep the floor. At Della's questioning look, he shrugged and said, "I like things clean."

After the floorboards had been swept to his satisfaction-he'd never had a thing for vacuum cleaners after he'd gone vampire, they were unnecessarily loud-Benny took the sparkling blue dust and, not for the first time, tried to determine if it was real or not...and if so, from what realm was it? Benny had never liked the term "faerie dust". It seemed too girly and fake, and even disrespectful a name for such a potent source of good magic. It did, however, come from faeries, or sometimes astral beings and had multiple uses.

"Reveal yourself." Benny whispered, and held his hand out, fingers spread, over the transparent bag. A glowing, sparkling haze of dark red dropped from his hands and fell over the dust. There was a light crackle when his magic touched it, as though it were, for a moment, protesting against the dark energy. Then, it gave, and Benny could feel the magic the dust held...he could just feel the warm wind and springtime scent the dust carried. It was real. And though it wasn't actually living, Benny could feel that it was reluctant to bend to his will. Light bowing to dark was somewhat of a sad thing, even to Benny.

'Good...it'll work' Benny thought, and took a second to center himself, taking a deep, soothing breath before crouching down and dipping his hand into the fine, soft dust.

He hissed and dropped the sand, scattering it across the floor. Where the dust had come in contact with his skin was now a light red.

"What is it?" Della asked, coming to kneel beside him. He shook off his hand and let out a frustrated huff.

"Good magic is what it is." Benny growled rather than said, and felt a surge of anger rise in his chest. Jaw clenched, and irises glowing a dark, threatening red, he eyed the dust on the floor. All at once it came together, into what looked like a small figurine of a humanoid faerie with wings.

"Oh my god." Della breathe, looking at the little sparkling statue, only about an inch tall, with wide eyes. "You weren't lying."

"I wasn't." Benny replied simply, and turned to face her, his eyes still glowing. He saw the fear and wonder in her eyes at the same time the tiniest of smiles graced his lips. Then, the floor in front of them suddenly burst into violent red flames, twice as tall as the figurine. The flame flickered blue, then red again, before settling into a bright violet, as the little figure visibly hardened into a solid statue of sparkling violet stone.

Benny huffed in satisfaction and plucked it off the ground, handing it to Della, who still looked like she was questioning her sanity.

She held it lightly, turning it this way and that, before settling it on the coffee table at Benny's request.

"Stand back, please." Benny smiled. "Just sit in the love seat and relax and watch, sweetheart."

"Thanks." The girl managed. "I don't think I could do much else."

"You won't have to." Benny assured her. "You've done well, and you'll do enough just by staying where you are." He smiled. "Though could you move a little further to the left? Right there. Good."

He turned back to the bag of dust and again reached his hand in, this time ignoring the burning in his skin with a grimace. As he drew a large circle with the dust, he worked to cancel out the effects of it. It helped slow the burning, but still badly stung. Because he was a dark being, the magic of the good faeries still burned his flesh, and before long smoke began rising from in between his clenched fist.

"Are you okay?" Della asked meekly from where she sat, observing his burning hand with wide blue eyes.

"Just fine." Benny replied lightly, drawing the last of the circle, letting the dust slide out from his fist as he reached into a bag for another handful. "It's almost complete."

When the last of the circle had been drawn, Benny calmly emptied the excess dust back into the bag and opened his hand, and from behind him, Della gasped and would've rushed forward if Benny hadn't have shook his head and put a finger to his lips. The hand he'd drawn the circle with was raw and bleeding, charred deeply in some places, and the veins all the way up to his forearm were beginning to color a dangerous dark violet.

"There's a price to this." Benny shrugged, and took a deep breath against the pain as he was finally able to focus on healing. The pain caused by regeneration was more welcome, and he sighed as the bleeding stopped and his skin began mending itself back together. "But no price is too high for what we're doing tonight."

"I-" Della swallowed, putting a hand to her chest. She seemed unable to look away from the sight of Benny's burned hand. She didn't speak or look away until all was healed back to smooth skin. "I don't seem to be doing anything of use...all I've been doing is getting things for you and smoking up your apartment."

"Shhh." Benny shushed her again, raising a finger to his lips a second time, and then gestured at her. A wispy stream of magic shot from his fingertips to her throat, leaving a sparkling trail behind it, and rendering Della literally speechless. "I don't want to hear any talking until I say so."

He turned back to his work, ignoring any answer she might've attempted, and set aside the bag of dust, now half empty, and reached for the glass tray containing the sulfur. Carefully standing just inside the now luminescent faerie circle, he drew another circle of the yellow element, using little sparks of magic to help keep his line perfect. When the circle was complete, he crisscrossed lines back and forth until he'd created a satisfactory pentagram. When he's done with this, he carefully takes the black candles the voodoo shop owner gave him and places five of them at each point of the star. As he opens his palm, there's a familiar flash of magic before little sparks of fire fly from his fingertips to ignite the wicks. A second later, the lights to out as more sparks fly to bring to life the other candles in the room, on his desk, on the TV stand, and in holders on the walls.

"It's nearly time." Benny says with an edge to his voice, gazing out the window. "Just a few minutes now."

He gets up and crosses the room to where a tall bookcase is overflowing with both paperbacks and hardcovers, most of which containing magic spells and lores. His own family grimoire hadn't been opened in years. The little journal was easy enough to come by. White as snow, with stark red writing on the spine, a date and time. Tonight's date and time.

"Here we are." Benny sighed, pulling the book out, and catching a falling paperback before it could fall to the ground. He made a small clucking sound of disapproval with his tongue, quickly skimming the pages of the book he'd pulled out. "Naughty boy. I told him not to leave his erotic novels in my home. People might get the wrong idea." He smiled and looked over his shoulder at Della, not sure if he was just incredibly jittery, or if his eyes were actually glowing. "We can't have that, can we, sweet thing? Wanna look before I throw it out? I know how much you love to read." Truth being told, Benny was babbling. His skin felt alive with electricity, his soul pulsating with the power the comet was bringing as it grew closer by the minute.

He tossed the book behind him, his aim perfectly landing the book next to Della's perfectly manicured fingers on the love seat. As her frightened eyes glanced at the book and then back down, Benny found himself smiling wider as he allowed a cruel, dark feeling to settle in his chest that he expected had something to do with the sharp wisps of magic now rising involuntarily from where his hands grasped the small journal. Had he really been intimidated of this girl earlier? She was so weak, and he'd been right before-the world wasn't in need of more blondes with blue eyes, especially one's as naive as this one, so who cares if she never comes back from this? She would've served her purpose...would've served a higher cause, a nobler cause than her average life. Nothing was more important than Ethan.

Somewhere in the depths of his poisoned soul, there was a deep sense of disgust. His humanity recoiled from the dark thoughts.

Benny ignored it.

"Suit yourself." He shrugged nonchalantly when she failed to pick up the novel. Abruptly, the little book disintegrated into ash and fell apart, leaving a smoldering pile of gray and black on the love seat next to Della. This was the first time Benny seen her make any indication of alarm.

Inside the small journal was a single spell, written in Latin and Greek and French, and symbols native to both heaven and hell. Every piece of writing was branded into the page, the makeshift ink sunken and burned through the thick paper like acid. Benny had to admit-he wasn't expecting the magic to have that sort of effect on his blood. The once ruby red blood had burnt and turned darker, rustier looking. Despite the odd coloring, it still held the same glint, as though it were still fresh, even after three years. Fascinating.

"Here we go." Benny murmured as he crossed the room to sweep the dead boy-just an empty vessel, really, into his arms. The coldness and stench of death hadn't taken over just yet, to Benny's relief. Besides the dark circles under his eyes, the boy could've been sleeping. Well...if not for the lack of breathing and such. His body temp was just beginning to fade.

Lying the boy in the center of the circle, Benny sighed, taking one long look at James' face. It was the face he'd looked at all through middle school, and then admired all through high school. Looking over all of him, Benny thought with a pang somewhere in his chest that this was the body of the boy he'd loved. He turned away, before it all became too painful.

"Okay, okay, okay." Benny stood tall, grounding himself. The comet was almost directly overhead-it was now or never.

Completely forgetting about Della, he opened the book, though he'd already committed the words to memory dozens of times. He kneeled beside the body, within the outer circle of blue powder and raised his hands to either side of him, FEELING the power emanating from above and vaguely wondered if the energy surge would cause the power to go out. No matter. The night was alive, and the air practically crackled around Benny's skin, energy just waiting to be made into magic, bent to his will. It was terrifyingly beautiful.

In some hidden place, deep within the confines of his mind, a younger wizard screamed in protest. All at once, an assault of vicious emotions in the form of pleading thoughts tore at the walls of his damaged mind. Magic shouldn't have to be bent, it should flow easily, naturally. This is evil. Spirits shouldn't be brought back from the dead- it twists them, darkens them. This is selfish. If you really loved him, you would've said your goodbyes and let him rest. You shouldn't damn him like this. Not him too! Please! Stop this now, before it's too late. Stop! Stop!

Shut up.

Deciding to rather bury himself in the magic than lose his nerve, Benny placed his hands on the boy, one over his heart and one on his forehead, fingers extending over his soft, shaggy hair. He felt the magic, drank it in, soaked it up and wrung it back out in an endless cycle until his soul and the air were one. Until he couldn't feel where his body ended and James' body began. Until he could feel lifeblood rushing through the previously dead veins, and James' body was alive, his heart beating beautifully with each thump of his own.

"Ethan." Benny whispered brokenly, trying to regain a hold on himself, trying to keep control of himself in this haze of energy. He was unable to completely keep the barriers up now, and a little piece of the old Benny slipped through, along with a few tears as he felt human emotion fill the hollowness in his chest."I love you so much. I always have. Please forgive me."

So it began. As Benny got better at wielding the magic, he began reciting the spell, hardly doing any work as the comet energy took its course on the earth. Benny wasn't sure exactly how it worked...anyone's guess was as good as his own, because that kind of information was secret to all but the comet and the sorcerer who created the incantation. But he could feel that it had something to do with searching for Ethan's essence as Benny focused on him. The spell searched and pulled and beckoned Ethan to come forth.

And that's when Benny began to feel him. Truly began to feel his soul mate after three agonizing years of being alone. It gave him the strength to truly begin wielding the magic, willing the curious soul to come forward even further as the magic started easing it into the body under his hands. It began the preparation of the unfamiliar body for the soul, carving and building it to perfection, and literally taking Benny's own blood and DNA in a unique transfusion which was even less pleasant than Benny expected...but it was still amazing. Bits of information came in flashes of emotion and little sparks in his brain and he suddenly _knew_. It was both beautiful and tragic, as most life-changing events are, as he felt his mate's soul struggling lightly, shifting and adapting to meet all the changes required to be brought back...

And then, all of a sudden it was gone.

Just like that, and Benny awoke quietly on the floor, and stared up at the ceiling. He stared for another few seconds and then laughed softly to himself.

Well, was that it? If it didn't work, he was finished. If it did...

He looked over to the innermost circle, the pentagram, and-

The body. The body was missing.

For a split second of confused anger and fear, Benny shot up off the floor and his fangs extended as he involuntarily sunk into a predatory half-crouch. Looking at the sleepy girl on his love seat, who had obviously been affected by the energy surge as well, he deemed her less than a potential threat, and turned his way and that, trying to locate James' body. Where could it have gone? A number of things could have happened...what if it had been stolen? By who? The sulfur on the floor was flung all over the place, and it looked like there might've been a struggle...

Ethan!

Benny growled and did a quick run of his flat, checking each room at blurring speed for signs of further struggle. Surely, if Ethan had been awake and aware, he's have gone to Benny right away...he'd be happy to see him, right? Or at least happy to see a familiar face...had someone taken him? How could they get away with him? Ethan should've been physically strong, at least. Where was he?

"Huh?" Benny jumped at the small voice emitting from the living room.

"What?" Benny sighed, placing his hands on his hips. This wasn't going as planned...

_Fuck_.

"Who's Ethan?" Della asked, and Benny scowled. Had he been saying that out loud?

"Alright." Benny sighed heavily and sat on the opposite side of the room, lounging on his couch. "How messed up are you, and how much do you remember?"

"What?" Della asked, rubbing her temples while her pretty, blue eyes closed in pain. Benny scoffed and slowly walked into his little kitchen to grab himself a glass tumbler.

"That bad, huh?" Benny asked, unable to conjure up his usual easy humor as he poured himself a drink from the freezer.

"Did you lose something?" She asked, and Benny hesitated, staring at the sulfur on the floor, looking more closely at the disruption patterns, willing himself to stop the internal panicking, to think more clearly. Trying to come up with an explanation...he was smarter than this.

There were marks that looked like a boot print over there...a couple of them actually. Maybe a smudged handprint...but then the dust from both circles just scattered, in no particular fashion. Maybe he wasn't taken.

"No." Benny said out loud, following a barely-there trail of yellow and blue dust to the open window, and just beyond the billowing curtains to the metal barring of the fire escape. A tiny smile curved the corners of his lips, along with a strong sense of relief and excitement he'd never admit. "Actually, I have lost something, sweetheart. My...cat. I think, after all the excitement, he might've bolted out the window."

Not taken then. Not dead. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. The poor boy was probably confused, and angry and...hungry.

"Would you please check on the fire escape for me?" Benny asked, the picture of innocence. He widened his hazel eyes ever so slightly, and he knew his pupils had dilated with the recent assault of emotions-emotions that weren't entirely his own. He was wrong at first...he wasn't alone. He could _feel_ E, actually feel him as if he were there. He had been there, all along.

Della huffed angrily, looking jittery as she threw her hands up and clicked on her heels to the window. "Fine, but after I find your cat, you're explaining to me what the hell just happened."

"Deal." Benny whispered, now embracing the lust that overcame him, rather than fighting it. His eyes followed every movement of Della's curves with every step she took. She was looking more and more appealing by the second...unfortunate, for her. Lust and hunger in vampires came hand-in-hand.

"You know, I didn't really mind up until just now, but that was kind of like being kidnapped." Della continued, sounding like she was trying hard to find a leg to stand on. She leant out the window first, and then moved a leg over the windowpane to peer out further. Before long, she'd vanished from sight completely, and Benny could hear the hollow clank of her shoes on the metal barring. "Benny! There's no cat out here."

"Oh, but I think there is." Benny called, a new light in his eyes.

"No, there isn't. Cut your shit, Benny. I'm coming in, and you're going to tell me exactly about-"

"About me?" A new voice came from the dark, sounding to be just outside the window, and Della barely had time to gasp in terror before she was flown through the window. Literally through the open window, not even touching the wood, just flying straight inside and landing hard on the love seat.

Benny's sure he heard her screaming his name somewhere in the back of his mind, but at that moment, everything had gone warm and numb. As one jean-clad leg stepped in, followed by a flurry of movement and a head of dark curls, Benny found himself pressing against the wall behind him, breath hitching with anticipation. Ethan moved like water, gracefully sliding through the window, the simple sight washing waves of love and longing over Benny, who closed his eyes for a split moment, all at once recalling a memory so simple and sweet it made his heart jolt painfully in his chest. The first time he'd seen Ethan in a leather jacket.

**X**

"Jeez, E, you'd think you'd never been to a dorm party before." Benny teased from just outside the bathroom door.

"Only one, and that one was definitely not a costume party!" Came the defiant reply as the door swung inwards. Ethan stood there with nothing but a pair of basketball shorts and a grimace. His hair, though mostly dry, still stuck wetly to his forehead in some places and stuck up in odd angles in others. Otherwise, he was completely dry, and he was pulling a plain gray shirt over his head-a subtle but tell-tale sign that no, Benny, he still had no idea who he was going as, and also NO, Benny, he wasn't even comfortable dressing up for stupid campus parties anyway.

"You take longer than a girl." Benny sang lightly, and smiled as Ethan rolled his eyes.

"It was necessary. I don't like these events, Benny. They make me nervous, and I don't think I have anything to wear anyway."

"At least tell me you've given it some thought, E." Benny said in an almost pleading tone. "I really want us to go tonight."

"We've gone over this, Ben, I have a lot to catch up on before Monday, and it's already like ten o' clock-"

"It's Friday, E! Come on, babe, you work too much. It's not healthy."

"And I'm sure staying up all night and doing Jell-O shots and keg stands is just the epitome of a healthy way to spend time."

"I won't drink if you don't." Benny shrugged lightly and gave Ethan a sweet smile that always managed to melt his better judgment. "That's not what tonight's about anyway, E."

"Then what is it about?" Ethan sighed and leant against the wall next to Benny. The fresh scent of his woodsy shampoo and body wash wafted towards him in a most pleasant way, and Benny found himself leaning closer without initially meaning to. Ethan's eyes, warm brown and so full of sexy intelligence and hidden ambition -and an odd combination of understanding and what looked like it could've even been mirth- blinked widely up at his. "I don't see why you can't just go without me, B. It's not like we're one of those couples that have to be suckered onto each other wherever we go."

"But that's the beauty of choice, E." Benny raised a hand to lightly caress Ethan's face from his temple to the beginning of his neck. "I want you to be there. I don't want to go without you-it wouldn't be any fun. Besides, there are a few special people already there who I want you to see before the weekend's over."

After a while, Ethan sighed, seeing the honesty in his boyfriend's eyes, but Benny seen a quick flash of appreciation dart across his expression, and knew that Ethan was pleased with his answer. He gave Benny a chaste kiss on his jaw before heading over to the closet they both shared. Watching Ethan-and Benny admitted, yes, he was totally watching Ethan walk across the short stretch of carpeted space-he had an idea before the other teen even spoke.

"Alright, but dude, I seriously have nothing to wear." Ethan said, just as predicted, and Benny was there in an instant, rooting through the untidy pile of shoes and swinging shirts this way and that on their hangers. "Uh, so I'm guessing you do?"

"Maybe." Benny replied, still searching. "You remember that one movie that your mom loved a long time ago, and then we watched it and ended up watching it for like a whole week?"

"Uh...that's sounds like a lot of movies. You're forgetting, B, we're us."

"The one with all the dancing."

"Grease?"

"No, the one where this girl goes to like this hotel, and learns to dance from this guy she meets, and they go to this lake and they're dancing on this log like a hundred feet in the air-"

"Oh, Dirty Dancing." Ethan recalled suddenly, and then laughed. "That's an old movie. Benny, whatever you're thinking, I don't do skinny jeans and tank tops."

"But it looked totally good on Patrick Swayze." Benny grinned, holding up a black dress shirt in victory of his search, along with a pair of black dress shoes. "And it wasn't all brutal, E, you'll look so good."

"It looked good on _him_ because he was actually from that time period, Benny, I'm not sure I could pull it off-" But Benny was already ordering him to strip down, which he did with great reluctance.

"I have some black pants around here somewhere..." Benny muttered, pulling some stray sunglasses from the high shelf. "My jacket I still need to return to the garage..."

"I'm not wearing a cursed jacket, B." Ethan scowled, buttoning the shirt nonetheless.

"It's not cursed, it was my dad's. So it's vintage or whatever. I just forgot to return it when Grandma finally let me borrow it." He smiled. "It's the only thing I ever actually asked for without taking it."

"Go figure." Ethan smiled back, more brightly this time, and it warmed Benny as he watched his boyfriend step into the black pants, which Ethan filled out now that he wasn't as short as he had been once in comparison to himself, and slipped on the shoes, sitting down on the bed. Benny felt more than heard Ethan sigh contentedly as he knelt to help him with the laces. It earned him a sweet kiss, and he more than willingly leaned into it, allowing Ethan to grip him lightly with his knees, pulling him closer with gentle hands in his hair. Then, Ethan laughed as Benny took his damp towel from the floor near the hamper and proceeded to shine his shoes. Then, once Ethan's clothes had been thoroughly brushed of lint, his belt buckled, his shoes shined and his hair fixed, he placed the sunglasses in the breast pocket of his shirt and turned to help Benny.

But, El Merlo Loco _again_, Benny? Really? So Benny ended up going as a stereotypical nerd-complete with a plaid shirt, suspenders, big framed glasses, tight pants, and boring shoes. Don't mention the hair, though, because Benny could completely pull off that particular shine or style. But in the end, he looked both embarrassing and cute.

"Come on Mr. Cool, this geek has a few moves!" Benny said in a weird, high pitched "nerd" voice that sounded so ridiculous that Ethan just had to laugh, even as he was pulled from his spot on the bed and swung around ungracefully.

"Oh my god, this is going to be a complete disaster." Ethan laughed, dodging Benny's grabbing hands as he went to the closet to get the jacket Benny mentioned.

"Not a total disaster, E. You look hot."

"Wish I could say the same for you, B." Ethan grinned, pulling on the jacket that fit surprisingly well, and a slight change darted across the spellmaster's expression.

"You look really hot." Benny went on, drinking in the sight of his boyfriend, looking like he could've just stepped out of _Dirty Dancing_, from right behind Johnny as part of his dance crew-because, let's face it, Benny had watched the movie more than a few times. Don't ask him why-it was a classic! "You sure you don't just want to stay in?"

"It was your idea!" Ethan reminded him, relenting as Benny pulled him close with surprising force, and lightly pushed him against the door. "Don't we have people to meet?"

"Who cares about them? I want you all to myself." Benny grinned, taking off his glasses and gently pushing him forward, appreciating the leather under his fingers, and pressing Ethan harder against the door, making the poster there ripple. Come to think of it, that poster portrayed Dracula, ready to sink his teeth into some poor victim. Benny didn't mind, however, and neither did Ethan. They were both too busy getting in each other's personal space to even notice.

But how ironic it would have been, if he'd known what was in store for them.

**X**

All of this recalled and registered in his mind in less than three seconds. Ethan looked different now, too….a different that his old self would've probably found repulsive, but his new self just found so fucking sexy. He hardly heard the screams of the blonde as fangs were sunk into her neck, hardly felt the plaster of the wall behind him as he stood back to just _watch_. He was so beautiful.

Benny could feel the comet passing over, still burning through the sky on an almost purely astral level. It was further away now, and the last of the magic in the air would soon go with it, but he could still feel the faint vibrations it gave off, it's power so much greater than his own. The same power that had allowed him to bring a dead soul back over to the living, which was more taxing to him than he'd ever admit, but he'd done it. Ethan was here now, alive, though maybe not under the same circumstances as the last time he walked the earth. Not the same, but that didn't matter, not even a little.

Somewhere in the back of his whirling mind, he knew that they would face serious problems, but those were far away. Everything was-he felt complete. More so, as Ethan finished with Della –who'd stopped struggling a long time ago, Benny must've stood there longer than he'd thought-and dropped her body to the loveseat. Benny thought somewhere in the back of his mind that he should've felt a little regretful-should've felt some shred of remorse for this girl who'd treated him so well this last week, but for the life of him, al he could feel was awe and...relief.

Then, the brunet stood up straight, slowly, and wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand, straightening the leather jacket around him, before turning and running a hand through his hair-a gesture Benny was grateful he held on to. His eyes met Benny's –warm brown, still the same beautiful shade- and he smiled slightly, turning fully to face him. Emotions flickered across his eyes-confusion, awe, anger, hunger, and more confusion- before they went white with a vision. Twenty full seconds passed, which was surprisingly long, before E's eyes darkened to their normal, gorgeous mahogany. Then, they settled on a deep look of contentment, and for a moment the pair just stood there, taking each other in. Then, with a look akin to desperation, Ethan moved with startling quickness to Benny's arms, which seemed to have reached out on their own accord.

Nothing in the world could compare to the feeling of finally having Ethan in his arms-to finally feel that strong presence in his mind that he hadn't felt since that last visitation trip to Whitechapel three years ago. Something deep within his mental walls warmed, and he was whole again, suddenly hyperaware that something else had been awoken-a painful piece of his humanity that cringed at the both of them. Ethan was different, that much was certain...whether it was a change for the better or worse, he had no idea, but he was so solid, ad so unforgivingly real that he couldn't find it in himself to think anymore on the matter.

Especially when Ethan pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes and smile again, and Benny recognized nearly all the qualities that made him fall in love in the first place. Not all...but far more than enough, and really, what else could he ask for?

And when Benny really thought about it, he wouldn't had changed anything.

"_Welcome home_."

Not a thing.

**X**

AN: Over 10,700 words! Even after editing, I'm not sure about the end. I'm contemplating a possible continuation, and it looks good so far, but I don't think it's going to be a top priority. Again, this was enjoyable to write, but I tried a new writing style-more intense, and I'm not sure how it came out.

Anyone guess where this story came from? Probably not, but this story was inspired by a scene in "The Bride Of Chucky" where Tiffany's trying to raise Chucky from the dead. From there, I used the song "Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie as further inspiration, and this is what came out of it. This was maybe my darkest story so far, but I think that sometimes love does drive us crazy, though not maybe in such extreme amounts. The loving someone with all you have part, though, I think is entirely possible.

So, some people have already read and faved, but I see an infuriatingly low amount of feedback. -_- Pardon the long author's notes.

Review!


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